Writer's Group

Tonight, C, the facilitator of the writer's group, announced that she is eventually moving back to the US. She said Seattle, which is better than, say, Iowa or something. She's been here for ten years. When I said something about it at the end, she said, "Yeah. I need to go back," or something about that she's been thinking about it for a while. She said her girlfriend really loves the US and is looking forward to moving. F wouldn't move for anything, which I like. Maybe I'll feel like moving after eight more years, but I doubt it.

It makes me sad. I don't know her that well, but she's one of those people that it's nice to have around. It's nice that we move in the same circles (two actually) and it's nice that I see here once in a while. I originally met her in a group for bi-national couples. I didn't think much of her. I guess it wasn't her forum, her place where she's comfortable. B, another woman, is also leaving in the fall. She's moving to Paris.

This is what I don't like about getting to know people. Like Andi, my shining star of a friend. She's in Portland now. You get to know these people and they move. It's like life. It's certainly what I did, moved away from all those people in New York City - and years ago in Ft. Worth. I guess I just have to stand there and let life breeze past me at moments like that. There's nothing to do. You can't hold on to people physically. You just have to let them go and keep them in your memory, (I would say "heart" if I was drinking.)

Makes me think of my mother. I hold her in my heart, but I couldn't live next to her or near her for anything. It would drive me out of my mind. Ideally, I think of her and how I really believe how she should deal with me. I think she should just let me do what I feel like I need to do, just wish me well and hope I am happy, knowing that I have to go away. I have to live somewhere else. For the most part, she does that. I only get guilt for not living there every year or two. She's good that way.

So I had to let Andi go, and I have to let C and B go. It's different with C and B because I probably won't have any contact with them once there gone. Still, it's a pain. Like Maggie and Eleanor, my writer's group in NYC. Such great women, and I left them. Life is strange like that. I think it's strange like that for me because I think there are people in Bedford, TX who really don't have to deal with people leaving much. People there just stay there and think people like me are nuts.